Impossibility
by sf
Summary: When you have nothing to lose... you have everything to find. The past rises to face the future, lessons are taught and learnt and unlearnt, and nothing is simple anymore. Sanzo-Hakkai. (Rated for violence. And snarky outtakes. WIP)
1. Impossibility 1

A simple sappy fic. Sanzo + Hakkai. Just because. No spectacular writing here, so go read Respice Finem if that was what you were looking for. 

[A little later] Err.... wait a minute.

  
This is not a sappy fic. This is a blatant case of extreme-- and I mean /extreme/ Sanzo abuse. Even by my standards. More violent than 'The Shadows Beyond'. Almost as much gore as Kanzeon's 'Crossings'. Be warned. The 'R' rating exists for violence. 

Right. My first R fic, rated for Sanzo abuse. Bad sf, badddddd. 

****

Impossibility  
By sf   
Begun : July 09 2003 

Rating : R   
Dark, violence, gory, angsty. 

*** 

It has every thing to do with practicality.

Maybe elsewhere it's written that we're on a joyride, having the time of our lives. Maybe elsewhere it's written that we're invincible, fending off each attack with ease. Maybe elsewhere it's written that this mission is a simple affair.

But whatever they whisper our path or our aftermath -- it is none of these. It is a mission given to mortals, and it is anything but simple.

Oh, it's been said before, that love makes the heart stronger, and that love gives strength unparalleled. It's been said, usually by lovesick teenage poets, sitting by some fountain in perfect comfort and safety, or by romantics who never had to stare down the jaws of death. 

But you'll never hear it said from those who could not save the ones they loved. 

You'll never hear it from those fighting for the right to live another day.

We have enemies -- the common youkai gone crazy from the Minus Wave, the common humans gone crazy from the youkai threat, the minions who don't have half a brain. Then behind them stand the more powerful youkai, even the gods -- Kougaiji, Homura -- powerful enemies, but _simple_. They are a threat, but mere strength can be defeated. No, it is the ones who stand behind _them_, the ones hidden in shadow; the manipulators. And they are the ones we have never seen, who track our every move and ponder our every weakness.

Love is an emotion, and emotions can always be manipulated.

It is easy for the kappa and his one night stands. No long relationships, no commitment, no love. Nothing to work with there. Kill the woman he screwed last night and he might feel a tinge of regret for the loss of pretty bed partner. But there's always a replacement. (No, don't believe a word he says; he'll be all hung up about it for a while, sure, but he'll get over it. And then there'll be another pretty damsel... and the cycle repeats. Ad infinitum ad nauseum.)

It is easy for the monkey, who's idea of love is -- Oh, pretty -- or -- Oh, great cook. No attachment, no levers, no strings. Nothing to manipulate there either. Thank goodness no one has seen fit to manipulate his feelings for me. Too dangerous, perhaps; he _is_ the Seiten Taisei, and unlike us, he lacks weakness or inhibition in his natural form. He _is_, and there is nothing you can manipulate in that singular existence.

But you can pull the strings of a human, or a former human, and that -- that is what they wait for. _That_ is what they look for -- a crack, a turn, a preference; anything that will serve their purposes. 

It has everything to do with practicality. 

Love is the simplest of all emotions to manipulate. 

...And therefore, we could love -- but we do not. 

***

"Sanzo?"

There was no answer, so Hakkai knocked again. He thought he heard noise within, a scuffle, but the walls in the inn were so thick...

"Sanzo?"

It was quite unlike the priest not to answer. Then again, it was quite unlike the priest not to join them for dinner, given that it wasn't raining. He tried the doorknob; it was locked. 

Frowning, Hakkai raised his hand to knock once more...

...and froze.

__

There. A tendril of air stirred in the stillness of the corridor, just enough to carry a familiar scent to his nose--

--thought sanctioned action before he even realized what he was doing. Light exploded from his fingertips, smashing through the wooden door to illuminate the room beyond. 

And Hakkai stepped into a nightmare.

***

"Sanzo?"

It had been three days. Three miserable days of constant vigil, of bandaging and rebandaging wounds, of hoping and despairing.

He closed his eyes and saw the scene again--

__

Blood and brains splattered solidly across every surface of the room

Corpses... three... four... youkai with bullet holes through their heads

The gun discarded in one corner

Sanzo, on the floor

Three more youkai, one of them with his claws still embedded in Sanzo's back - poised, not to kill, but to rip flesh from limb to limb.

They'd tried to eat him alive. 

It had been three days. If Sanzo did not awake soon... if the sun rose on another day...

"We lose him," Hakkai murmured.

He'd still been conscious when Hakkai had finished depatching the attackers. He'd latched onto Hakkai, fingers digging onto into his arm, jaw locked solid against the scream that must have been trying to break out. Hakkai had taken a deep breath and knocked him out. It seemed the kinder option.

Later, Gojyo pointed out the streaks of blood where someone had been dragged... or tried to crawl... across the floor. Both of Sanzo's legs had been broken. Hakkai and Goku had set out, tracked the youkai back to their den and slaughtered every last one of them.

And then, only then, had the white-hot anger faded, becoming panic, and finally falling into despair. 

***

The whisper was so faint that he thought he was still dreaming. But when he felt the slightest touch against the arm resting on the bed, Hakkai shot bolt awake. 

Sanzo wasn't looking at him. He was still flat on his back -- there hadn't _been_ anyway to place him that wouldn't put pressure on some injury or other -- but he'd moved. Flung his right arm -- the one marginally less shredded -- over his eyes to block out the light.

His lips moved. The bare whisper of a question. "How long?"

"Three days," Hakkai replied.

"Get me a painkiller."

Hakkai reached for the bottle. The town had been large enough to have a herbalist, and the herbalist had... had left a large supply. 

"It'll knock you out again," Hakkai warned. The priest did not even bother to answer.

Hakkai administered the drug, and returned to waiting.

***

"He _never_ asks for painkillers," Gojyo said incredulously. 

"I know," Hakkai replied.

"Get some sleep, you. I'll watch over his royal highness."

"Gojyo," Hakkai sighed. "Don't call him that."

"What? He is The Sanzo Houshi sama and all that..."

"Even so."

"And he calls me a kappa all the time. Cockroach, if he's in an especially good mood."

"...Just, wait until he's well enough to argue back."

"Yeah, no point kicking an opponent while he's down, right?" Gojyo pulled a second chair up and sat down. "But say, Hakkai, what's up with you?"

"Nothing." Hakkai looked up, slightly surprised. "What makes you think--"

Gojyo glanced down at the bed. "Sanzo's been cut up pretty badly before. I've never seen you this worried."

"I'm not worried," Hakkai lied through his teeth.

"Oh yes you are. And ..." he paused. "That night... when you went out with Goku after those youkai... no, even that night when the attack happened..." he took a deep breath. "I've never seen you like that before. I've never seen that look in your eyes. Not even when you went after Chin Iisou."

Hakkai turned away. 

__

Sanzo, shaking uncontrollably with the pain

Broken fingernails on both hands where he'd clawed at the wood work

"They weren't trying to kill him. They could have killed him... anytime they wanted."

__

And... like the first time, I didn't feel anything. Why didn't I feel anything? Why don't I have that premonition of disaster when someone I care about is in danger?

A hand rested upon his shoulder. Gojyo gave him a friendly squeeze. "I know. But he'll live, won't he?"

"He might not. He lost far too much blood... and this time, there isn't a goddess to provide a transfusion."

"He's tough. He'll live. He's too stubborn to die."

"I hope so," Hakkai whispered.

"Come on, you need your rest too, you know."

Hakkai didn't move. "Why didn't we hear anything?"

Gojyo shuffled his feet. "Thick walls. Noisy common room. Very noisy common room, involving a bar brawl... remember?"

"But we should have heard the gun shots... he discharged the whole magazine..."

"...not if it happened while those jerks were smashing the table."

"We shouldn't have left him alone."

"Listen, Hakkai, he wanted his privacy. Hell, all of us wanted our privacy. We've been stuck in Jiipu for almost a _week_ before we reached this town. We were all getting homophobic and claustrophobic and each-other-phobic..."

Hakkai sighed, and straightened up. "I guess I've been too worried, that's all." He ventured a hesistant smile at Gojyo. "I should be happy that he even woke up. I'm sorry... I've been imposing upon you and Goku."

"Aw, you know that I don't care about shit like that..."

"Thank you."

***

"...kai..."

"He's not here," Gojyo said. "My name's Sha Gojyo, and I'll be your nursemaid for today."

Sanzo didn't even open his eyes. One hand began to clutch spasmodically at the sheets. The other was clenched tight.

"Do you want your medicine?"

"No."

"Oh, alright, I get it. You need a prettier nurse, is that it? Won't take medicine from the ugly old kappa..."

Sanzo summoned the strength to mutter an expletive. 

"Ah, that's more like the bad ass that I know. An cuss a day keeps the doctor away, you know? A few more of those and you won't even need your medicine any more."

"Shut up, Gojyo."

"_Excellent!_ You're almost in top form. Nothing like a bit of being pissy in the mornings to kick off the day, eh?"

"You're on a roll today," Hakkai observed from the doorway. Gojyo jumped, and looked around sheepishly. 

"Eh, I thought you were sleeping."

"I tend to wake up when people trouble my patients," Hakkai said smoothly. "Come on, it's evening. You go and get some rest."

"Well--" Hakkai could almost see the wheels turning in Gojyo's head as he tried to think up an excuse.

"Or do you _actually_ enjoy being a nurse maid that much?" Hakkai asked.

"Well... now that you mention it... but how about the ape? He hasn't had his turn yet. Hey, I'll get the--"

"--no need. He'll fall asleep on the job, anyway," Hakkai said. Another lie, of course. It was always easy to lie when you said it confidently and smiled. The world trusted people who smiled. "Now, Gojyo, if you _please_..."

Gojyo rose and passed him a metaphysical baton as he headed for the door. But he did pause for a moment. "Don't get yourself hurt again because of someone else," Gojyo warned. "Or I'll have to be your nursemaid... and that won't be pretty."

"Agreed," Hakkai replied. "Good night."

"Good night."

Hakkai strode over to the bedside. Blood was seeping across the white again. He stared it, momentarily fascinated.

__

Like blood down the walls of a castle

Like blood across the banners of an enemy

Like blood across the floor of a cell

He shook himself, willing the memory away.

__

And if, if they'd taken you away...

How many more of them would I have killed to get you back?

"Sanzo?" he called softly, but the priest was unconscious again.

***

__

And he sees in me what I see which is what I see in him _  
The one thing that we share: _ _  
The night, and the blood, and the pounding of the rain outside _ __

And 

__

the rain clawing down   
the wind biting with the cold of death   
the droplets pounding : Doom...Death...Despair

__

and how could anyone look to share love in that horror?

***   
TBC   
*** 

A/N :

  
I. Feel. Guilty.   
*offers Sanzo lots of beer and painkillers*. 


	2. Impossibility 2

Two things.

  
Firstly, when I say Sanzo + Hakkai, I mean that there will eventually be Sanzo + Hakkai, not that they're already boinking each other. Just in case you were wondering. 

Secondly, there will be a very, very minor spoiler for Saiyuki RELOAD #2. I will be giving you a name. If even if that is too much for anyone, please run away quickly. Thank you.

Labrynth-san : _Gratis_. Is this fast enough for you? ^_^.

Uncle : Hurt-comfort ficcie? _Excuse me?_ *bristles*. *g*. Actually, I could do one of those just to freak you out... but I'd use Hakkai/Gojyo. Yep yep.

Fall : Indeed, not as dark as I'm capable of ^_~. 

Everyone else : Thank you ^_^. I wasn't expecting such a positive response, and I've been pleasantly surprised. 

--

Impossibility 2

__

They'd reached the town late in the afternoon -- late enough that the sky had begun to turn red by the time they'd checked into the inn. They'd been exhausted -- who wouldn't be, after a week of travel over rocky wasteland, after a week of rationing both food and water, after a week of harassment by the local youkai tribes and Kougaiji's minions...

__

He'd slept -- no, hit the bed and practically lost consciousness. And while he was typically a light sleeper, the need for rest and the illusion of safety provided by four thick walls had unconsciously lulled him beyond vigilance.

He'd never sensed them coming until the claws had closed around his throat. He'd taken that one out with a gunshot, and the next, and he might even have gotten a third. But things had ceased to be clear after that -- these youkai were too far gone to care about fear, and guns...

...he vaguely remembered slamming into the floor, then they'd grabbed his head and slammed it into the floorboards until he couldn't even see straight. There hadn't been time or room for thought to scream for assistance, even if they could have heard him. And then... and then...

He snapped awake, gasping. 

"It's alright," a voice said. 

"Hakkai." He turned slightly in acknowledgement.

"A nightmare?" Hakkai asked.

__

A nightmare? A nightmare implied something that wasn't real. He could still see the blood if he just closed his eyes-- had all that been his?

"Don't get up," Hakkai warned. 

"How bad is it?" Sanzo asked. Warning or no, he didn't feel like moving an inch. 

Hakkai closed his eyes briefly. "Bad."

"_How_ bad?" 

Hakkai's voice took on a detached, clinical quality. "Upper torso and arms-- mainly flesh wounds. There was some infection on the wounds on your left arm. They..." he faltered.

"Tried to eat me. I know," Sanzo said sourly.

"...I managed to clean up the worse of it, but there's a large build up of pus and fluid, and that's going to take a while to go down."

Sanzo flexed his arm and winced. "Go on."

"They broke your legs."

He remembered -- or rather, he remembered the aftermath of that -- or rather, he didn't want to remember the aftermath of that.

Death was something they were prepared to accept, had to be prepared to accept. They killed; they were ready to be killed in turn. It was karma, it was the balance. He'd never been afraid of death.

And yet humans and youkai were animals; corner them and they would fight back, and when they couldn't fight--

__

--face it, Genjo Sanzo. 

They panicked. 

He'd been terrified -- no, not quite. It had been less than that. Terrified was a human emotion. What he'd felt had gone straight down to pure instinct, the primary response that said : _Bolt._

Except that...

__

They'd watched him crawl, they'd laughed, the bastards...

He took a deep breath. Returned to the present. 

"Are they dead?"

"Every last one," Hakkai replied quietly.

He wanted to sleep, but something in him abhored the idea of being comatose and completely helpless. 

But who was he kidding? In his present condition, he'd be helpless asleep or awake. 

He wanted his gun. Hakkai had thoughtfully reloaded it and placed it on the side table. He glanced at it, noting a fleck of blood that hadn't been cleaned off. 

"I reloaded it," Hakkai said, following his eyes.

"I know." He didn't take it. It would have been a pointless gesture. An admission of weakness. 

"Are you alright?" Hakkai asked.

Stupid, stupid, inane question. He felt a flash of annoyance. "Do I _look_ okay?" Damn, but he was starting to want those painkillers again. "Just keep the kappa away, you hear me? Even Goku is better than he is. Damn moron."

"He's just worried," Hakkai replied.

"Screw him and his concern," Sanzo shot back. "How long do you think it'll be before I can walk?"

"Well..." Hakkai frowned. "It was a simple break. I tried my best, but bone needs to heal on its own. I'd say... two months. And then it'd be sometime before you're back to full speed..."

"_Months_." The word itself tested bitter. Two whole _months_. 

"Maybe seven weeks," Hakkai said. "We'll have to work out some sort of arrangement."

"Arrangement? Whatever for?"

"For necessities," Hakkai replied calmly, nodding at the toilet. Sanzo shot him a smoldering glare. "A pan, perhaps..."

"Oh shut up, Hakkai. And pass me more of that crap that the physician brewed up."

***

Something had changed. Sanzo hadn't ordered him out of his room as he normally did. Perhaps it was a recognition of the need for safety in numbers, perhaps it was simply that Sanzo was medicated and not thinking straight, perhaps... idle thinking, Sanzo actually wanted his presence. 

There were times, rainy nights, where they'd sit up and play cards. Hand after hand after hand; there were no stacks. And the hours would slip by, until the rain stopped. It was strange, trying to read each other's faces during those times. Both of them were closed doors, one with a frown, one with a smile... and they'd stare at each other over the top of their cards, silently probing each other's defences.

They'd gotten better at it, over the months. They'd learnt to read the slightest movement, the lack of movement, the different kinds of stillness. And so each schooled their expressions into something even more feriously unreadable. It was a game of sorts, a kind of competition to which the cards were only an optional extra. Words didn't even enter the equation at all.

There it was a game. But here it meant that, in the unguarded moments of sleep, Hakkai could read Sanzo like a book. The attack had affected him badly; shaken something, perhaps something fundamental. 

__

And he remembered Sanzo grabbing him like a life line   
The flash of what might have been relief or gratitude when he'd appeared

Of course, it was perfectly natural. If it had been any of the others -- Gojyo, Goku, himself -- they'd have been grateful for reinforcements. That sort of feeling bypassed conscious thought which was governed by principles and past experiences. Except, of course, that this was Sanzo, who had non-attachment burned into his soul. This was Sanzo, who'd never showed a flicker of human emotion when they'd rushed to his assistance in the past. 

Hakkai left as quietly as possible, making his way back to his own room. No sooner had he stepped in when he caught sight of movement at the corner of his eye, and looked up. Goku bounded in, all nervous energy. It radiated off the youth, made you feel like fidgeting and twitching along.

"He woke up, didn't he?" Goku asked. 

"Yes, yes, he did," Hakkai said. Even his smile felt nervous. 

"Will he be okay? He's never been hurt so bad before." It wasn't the first time Goku had asked that question.

"He'll recover. The worst is over." _And they weren't trying to kill him. But they did inflict internal damage in their unmoderated savaging..._ he noticed his hands had clenched. He forced himself to relax.

"Oh good good good. But he hasn't eaten anything! Will he be alright?"

"The doctor gave him some thing to drink," Hakkai assured him. _Best if he doesn't eat anything for a while. Nevermind what I told Goku; I wasn't actually sure if he'd survive that gut wound._

"They got in through the window, right?" Goku asked.

"I think so. They must have known that we were coming--" common knowledge, these days "-- and watched us going into the inn."

"But they seemed stupid!"

Hakkai paused; Goku had hit on something. He hadn't noticed -- no, he'd been too concerned with making them die slowly and painfully. But yes, these youkai had been brutes, scarcely more than savages. Granted, they had the instints to stalk and kill, and perhaps even track a target to its den...

...but then, it must have taken some work to find out which room the target had been in, then time it such that his companions were out of the way.

And someone had locked the door. He was quite sure that it hadn't been Sanzo.

"Think the bar brawl was staged?" Gojyo said, looking in. "The innkeeper said that he'd never seen those people before. And they kicked up a fight almost immediately after they came in."

Hakkai frowned. 

"I don't like where this is leading," Goku said. "Means that there's some clever enemy out there, right? Means that this was planned..."

"Wow, he actually managed to figure that out," Gojyo said. It was a sign of how worried Goku was that he let the comment pass.

"That seems to be a conclusion," Hakkai said relunctantly. "But that means... this youkai must have come from afar. And disappeared after the attack. But if this attack was planned... why not kill or capture their target?"

"It might have gotten out of hand," Goku pointed out.

"That seems too simple an explanation," Gojyo said. "The easy way out."

"Hm," Hakkai said, noncommital.

"Well, maybe they didn't expect Hakkai -- wait, Hakkai, just _why_ did you go upstairs to look for Sanzo?"

Hakkai paused. Yes, _why_ had he gone up? It wasn't as if dinner had been ready -- not with the tables overturned and the people lying on the floor in various states of incapacitation. "Dinner. That was it. I thought that we might had to venture farther afield for dinner, and it was getting late..."

"...oh, so no clues there," Goku said. 

"Of course, Hakkai here might just have a nose for trouble."

"I don't," Hakkai told Gojyo.

"So do we still need to pull nursemaid duty?" Gojyo asked. "Are we going to have to draw up a roster or something?"

"I'm thinking of changing to a double room," Hakkai said. "Firstly, it'd be a good idea to change location, and secondly, it'd save on costs. And it would forestall another surprise attack. If, as Goku said, there's someone behind this, we can expect more attacks."

"Aw damn, does that mean that I have to room with the ape again?" Gojyo groaned.

"Hey, it's my loss!" Goku snapped.

"What kind of road trip is this? Where I either room with a trigger happy, grouchy monk, or a whiny, annoying brat--"

"--_who are you calling a brat?_"

"And it might be a good idea to get you two rooms that are somewhat further away from Sanzo's," Hakkai sighed. "And with extra thick walls, thank you."

***

"Do you have any idea who's behind this?" Hakkai asked. 

Sanzo looked up; he'd been reading the papers. 'Youkai attack' the headlines said. "I thought you'd killed them all."

"Six attacked you. You took three down, I killed one, and the remaining two ran. We found them -- _and more like them_ -- hiding in some cave on the outskirts of town. The townsfolk said that they'd been terrorizing the place for weeks now; killing the random villager and raiding the markets... They were extremely grateful for our assistance," Hakkai said blandly. 

Sanzo turned back to the papers, seemingly uninterested. "Well, then you got them."

"Hm." Hakkai said. "Fancy a game of cards?"

Sanzo paused. 

__

Not what you were expecting, were you?

"Very well."

They'd played for almost an hour, before Hakkai got up to close the window. "You know, it might be a good idea..." he mused.

"Because winter is coming?" Sanzo asked.

"Because winter is coming. The townsfolk say that it's very tough, travelling through the winter blizzards in these parts."

"And I thought we'd faced the worst of it up in the mountains."

"Well, winter comes earlier to the mountains. Which means, spectacular timing and all, we just outran it momentarily, and it's catching up again."

Sanzo sighed, and his breath was momentarily visible. It was getting cold.

"I'll deal," he offered.

"Thank you," Hakkai said, sitting down again. He picked up his cards. "So... shall we name the stakes?"

"Ah."

"Loser declares what's on his mind."

"Ah." Sanzo picked a card. He'd been winning three games out of four. Hakkai pretended to look away for a moment.

When they shot glances at each other, it was like crossing swords. For a moment, eyes met and wills clashed. And Hakkai thought : _I can tell he's thinking, but I can't tell what..._

"You're not going to pull a stunt and read my mind?" Sanzo said wryly. "I'm disappointed."

"I'm a little out of practice," Hakkai ceded. "We haven't played in a while."

Sanzo was still staring at him. It was easy to forget that, behind the bandages and the foul temper, behind the seeming and occasionally genuine disinterest in his surroundings, behind his tendency to shoot first and ask questions later...

...Sanzo was terrifyingly perceptive. 

Perhaps it was the gift of a Sanzo -- the ability to see into the hearts and minds of others, friend or foe. Perhaps it was a defense, when strength failed. Perhaps it was just a talent. But whatever the case, he was their unspoken leader -- not because he was appointed by the gods, but because he saw the way.

Sanzo threw the cards onto the table. "It was Zakuro [1]," he said flatly.

Hakkai nodded. He'd been thinking the same; loyal to Gyokumen and seemingly unaffected by the Minus Wave, Zakuro could easily have tracked them to the inn, and then guided and hidden the attack force of six youkai onto the correct room. 

"Why did the attack fail, then?" Hakkai asked.

"You call that a failure?" Sanzo snorted. "Besides, that hasn't been on my mind. Anyway, I'm going to sleep."

"Understood," Hakkai replied. He glanced down at his own cards, still unrevealed. A full house stared back at him. 

__

So who's reading whose mind?

To be continued...

[1] Zakuro -- as said, a youkai loyal to Gyokumen, who actually survives an encounter with the Sanzo-ikkou in Reload #2.

--   
And now for some inanity.

Scenes that didn't make it to the final cut --

Take #1

"I don't like where this is leading," Goku said. "Means that there's some clever enemy out there, right? Means that this was planned..."

"Wow, he actually managed to figure that out," Gojyo said. It was a sign of how worried Goku was that he let the comment pass.

"That seems to be a conclusion," Hakkai said relunctantly. "But that means... this youkai must have come from afar. And disappeared after the attack. But if this attack was planned... why not kill or capture their target?"

"It might have gotten out of hand," Goku pointed out.

"That seems too simple an explanation," Gojyo said. "The easy way out."

"I know! It must have been the sadistic fanfic author pulling strings behind the scenes!"

--

Take #2

"You're not going to pull a stunt and read my mind?" Sanzo said wryly. "I'm disappointed."

"I'm a little out of practice," Hakkai ceded. "So I'm just reading your thought bubbles instead. Let's see... Zakuro, eh?"

--

Take #3

"Maybe seven weeks," Hakkai said. "We'll have to work out some sort of arrangement."

"Arrangement? Whatever for?"

"For necessities," Hakkai replied calmly. "We're going to be in bed for a whole seven weeks, but it's difficult to screw with your legs broken."

--

Take #4

"Thank you," Hakkai said, sitting down again. He picked up his cards. "So... shall we name the stakes?"

"Ah."

"Winner gets to be seme."

"...I'm not taking this bet."

--


	3. Impossibility 3

****

Impossibility 3

__

A gambler measures the odds. Reads his opponent. Guesses, postulates, calculates. A gambler knows himself. 

A good _gambler knows everyone else as well._

Hakkai picked a tile. Eased it out and placed it next to his lonely line of discards. Goku started, then stared closely at it, then subsided.

That was the kid. A skilled player, but an unguarded one. Hakkai nodded as Goku discarded a tile. "_Ron_," he announced softly, taking the tile and tipping his hand over to display a complete set. 

"Ahhh," Goku tipped his head back for a moment, ruing the momentary carelessness. "Hunger's making me lose concentration. I need something to eat." He glanced at Sanzo, who was calmly tipping his tiles over and pushing them to the center of the table. "Do you want something to eat, Sanzo?" 

"No," the priest replied.

"You sure?" Goku persisted. Sanzo shot him a look.

__

A gambler measures the odds. Hakkai began turning his tiles over. _For some reason... it's simple for Goku. He doesn't have anything to hold him back. He has instincts that say 'go'. He doesn't seem to have instincts that say 'hold'. He wouldn't care if he got smacked over the head _-- _ah, it just happened again. _

"I'll go with you," Hakkai announced. "I need a bite too."

"Great!" Goku exclaimed, leaping up. "You want a beer, Sanzo?"

__

So, paradoxically, he's closer to Sanzo than say... someone who was more inhibited, more conscious, more cautious. Sanzo lets Goku near him because he knows this; knows that Goku poses no threat to him. He would never tolerate someone who were deliberately attempting to enter his social circle. Only someone who did it unconsciously.

"Anything for you, Gojyo?" Hakkai asked.

__

So there we have it; one can approach within friendly distance, but never closer.

"Naw," Gojyo replied, lighting a cigarette. "Who needs food when you have a fag..."

"True," Hakkai laughed. "Come on, Goku."

"Mahjong was a good idea," he told Goku, when they were out of the room.

"You think so?" Goku replied. "It always seems to get Sanzo's mind off problems. And he's been upset of late."

"He's irked at the delay," Hakkai nodded.

"That and he's worried," Goku frowned. Hakkai glanced at him. "I think he's worried that we might be attacked again or something... maybe he knows something about who's behind these attacks."

__

That's right, I haven't told him... or Gojyo. But it's all postulation at this point...Zakuro's only a prime candidate because he was the last powerful youkai we encountered. I wouldn't like to assume anything at this point.

A door slammed open. They spun, saw Gojyo standing in the doorway and waving frantically. _Don't tell me..._ Hakkai ran, spared one look at the worry on Gojyo's face, then pushed past him.

"He just slumped over," Gojyo was babbling behind him. "He was fine one moment, then he started coughing and swearing then--"

Hakkai turned, plucked the cigarette from Gojyo's lips, and ground it out in the ashtray. He shoved it at Goku. "Take this out."

They'd moved the table to the side of the bed, Sanzo had shifted somewhat to face it and the rest of them had drawn up chairs. Now Sanzo was slumped over the table, the tiles scattered where he'd pushed them aside. As Hakkai approached, the priest clawed his way upright, spitting blood. A string of curses somehow managed to wind its way through the coughing fit. 

"...Get that... kappa...bloody noxious..."

"Already done," Hakkai assured him, helping him to sit up and lean back.

Sanzo rolled his eyes. "...This sucks..." He raised a hand to wipe away the blood seeping out of his mouth, and only succeeded in smudging it.

"Gojyo -- a towel, please," Hakkai called.

"Er... yeah, right." Gojyo vanished as Goku reappeared. 

  
"What happened? I thought you were fine!" Goku demanded. "I thought you were recovering!"

"Dumb ape," Sanzo muttered. 

"It's possible that we underestimated the extent of the internal damage," Hakkai said, brushing a hand against Sanzo's forehead. Sanzo pushed him away. "I'm fine."

"You're pale," Goku said accusingly. "And you're sweating."

"Do you know how much it hurts, coughing with bloody torso wounds?" Sanzo snapped. Gojyo returned with the requested towel, and Hakkai passed it over. Sanzo scrubbed at the blood and stared at it in disgust. 

__

Coughing up blood, Hakkai thought. _But there wasn't any lung damage._ He glanced at the window, where the trees were swaying as the wind gusted through them. Several leaves came loose, some already curled and brown. They were whisked away and vanished, specks against a clouded sky.

__

Winter, he realized. _Always a bad time to take ill..._

Sanzo was watching him. Hakkai returned a bright, sunny smile. "I'll just consult the doctor, shall I? Gojyo... Goku, why don't you guys think about getting dinner?"

It wasn't really a suggestion. The aforenamed stood, one with considerably less enthusiasm than the other. 

"And Sanzo? No cigarettes for the time being." 

Sanzo shot him a glare. "It's not as if I have any at the moment."

"Oh yes," Hakkai said, feeling the weight in his pocket where a box had been newly added. And he bade a hasty retreat.

***

"Pneumonia?" the physician frowned. "It's possible. And the coughing might have further aggravated his injuries. Were there any other symptoms? Pain during breathing?"

"He had a fever," Hakkai added. 

"But it's rather sudden, for an onset..."

"...I doubt it was sudden," Hakkai said. "Sanzo has a bad tendency to conceal his ailments. Chances are, we simply failed to notice it before." _He was rather quiet today..._

"There's not much we can do, besides relieve the symptoms," the physician said. "If he were in perfect health, I'd say that he would make a full recovery."_ But..._

"I understand."

"Give him this, twice a day."

"Thank you."

Hakkai trudged back to the inn. Night was coming early, the sky darkening to the color of lead and looking just as heavy. The wind cut past, doing little to stir the laden clouds.

__

Rain or snow, he wondered.

Sanzo wasn't a rain person. It didn't take a genius to figure that out. But neither was he a bright sunshine person. _I'd venture to say that it doesn't fit your personality._

But there was something to be sad about windy days -- where it wasn't raining. There was something to be said about fighting their way through the gusts, screaming to be heard above the wail of the wind. Gojyo would be cursing, trying to tie his hair back to keep it out of his eyes. Goku would be struggling with his cape. Sanzo would -- billowing robes and all, push on ahead through sheer determination, the muttered curses just barely audible, followed by frenzied activity when some part of his robe was caught on a branch. And Hakkai would lead or follow, Hakuryuu a warm bundle against his chest.

If they were lucky, there would be one of those moments where the wind dropped just as they crested a bend. Most times, it would just be more forest and wasteland lying ahead, and Sanzo would sigh and trudge on, but some times, just _sometimes_ there would be lights shimmering ahead, lights that promised warmth, shelter, and food. And as Gojyo and Goku whooped and ran on ahead, Sanzo would raise an eyebrow and give him an amused look. And Hakuryuu would pop his head out and squeak in delight, and all would be right with the world.

***

"Hakkai!" a voice called to him, as he stepped into the inn. 

"Goku?" 

"Guess what," Goku said, running up, breathless. "There's a rumor that another youkai was seen at the edge of the forest. Big guy. Think we missed one? Or is this another group that's come in?"

"I'd bank on the latter," Hakkai said grimly. _Big guy? But Zakuro's not big..._ "Anything more than that?"

"Nothing so far, but everyone's saying that he might attack at night."

"We'd better be vigilant, then."

"Yeah, and we got lots of stuff for dinner! Everyone was so eager to sell off their goods and hurry home, so we bought tons! Besides, it's just one youkai... we can beat him up anytime. I wanted to go after him, but Gojyo said that it wasn't our problem."

"Given the circumstances, he might be right. It might not even be a hostile youkai. Is Sanzo okay?"

"He was sleeping the last time I checked on him. What did the doctor say?"

"It might be a lung disease, but he should be fine." Hakkai placed the medication on the table. "By the way, where's Gojyo?"

***

Gojyo wasn't _quite_ sure why he was now trudging through the failing light, headed for the part of town where they'd reportedly seen a large and dangerous youkai. It was practical -- he'd dropped the kid off so there was someone to look after the priest if anyone happened... and Hakkai would be back soon. So they didn't need three people tripping over themselves in their haste to look after one person -- not that Sanzo wanted looking after, anyway. 

Besides, he wanted time out and fresh air. Where he could smoke in peace.

He paused. The wind was dying down a little, whispering around the edges, stirring the leaves and grit on the ground. A piece of crumpled paper rolled down the street, a lonely little tumbleweed.

Gojyo could _feel_ the hairs on the back of his neck standing. It was just too... bloody quiet. 

He'd reached the outskirts. There was a fence here, a miserable attempt to keep the wilderness at bay. It wouldn't work against youkai.

"Well," he said to himself, and jumped over the fence. 

The ground was scuffed. It could have been anything -- kids jumping over the fence to sneak out to play... people passing by... or youkai. He wanted to believe that it was youkai, some big bad one...

...oh, but Goku and Hakkai had been the ones who went out after the last bunch. Granted, he didn't like to get his hands dirty on anyone else's behalf, but, well... sometimes one just needed a punching bag, you know?

He couldn't sense any _youryoku_, though, which implied that the youkai might have gone. Of course, _youryoku_ wasn't like a smell that lingered. And it could be masked, or hidden. Or whatever.

__

Super detective Gojyo, he mused. _Out here skulking on a youkai's trail because he's bored and can't stand another evening of Hakkai fussing over the damn monk and the kid looking so depressed._

And here I'd thought that Sanzo was bouncing back. Hell, he looked fine this afternoon. Then pop one fag and he goes all pale and starts coughing a lung out...

Speaking of cigarettes...

He fished his pack out. The lighter flared brightly, reminding him of just how dark it was becoming. But that was largely irrelevant after the first breath. 

__

So... if I were a youkai checking out town... which way would I go?

He followed the fence. Here and there -- he thought he saw a slight mark in the dirt, or a depression in the scant grass. Someone with a heavy tread had passed by. Paused for a moment, where there was a break in the houses. Staring down the lane. Watching. Observing.

"Hell, this isn't any dumb youkai," Gojyo muttered. 

"Of course not," a voice said out of the darkness.

And Gojyo had the short lived sensation of the world going very, very wrong indeed.

***

"He's probably out drinking," Goku said. He was seated by Sanzo's beside, watching the priest in some concern. "Gojyo, I mean. I didn't see him go."

"Perhaps," Hakkai said, staring out of the window. He couldn't see anything; it was as dark as pitch with the sky overcast. _I don't need a second member of our group running into trouble just now..._ And Sanzo was definitely running up a fever. 

"Don't let him catch pnemonia," Hakkai whispered out into the dark, to whatever gods were listening. "Not here... and not now..." 

If it were any other member of the group, he might have worried less. Gojyo brushed off illness like one might brush off a fly, and he hadn't seen Goku fall sick once. 

But humans could and would die from pnemonia, year after year, the young and the frail, the old and weak...

...he glanced at Sanzo, noticing the slight laboring with each breath. 

__

Be strong, he wished the priest.

"Say... it's awfully late. Do you think Sanzo should wake up and have dinner?" Goku asked. "And Gojyo's dinner too... just looking at it makes me hungry."

Hakkai frowned. It was awfully late. "Goku..." he said slowly. "I think you'd better go and look for Gojyo."

"Look for Gojyo? Huh?" Goku asked. "You think he's in trouble?"

"I'd like to be sure that he isn't," Hakkai replied, keeping his tone light. "I'll stay; I need change the bandages, anyway."

"Oh. Right. Sure you don't need any help?" Goku asked.

"No, I'll manage. Please, Goku -- go find Gojyo and drag him back."

"And if he doesn't come back, do I get his dinner?" Goku said, his eyes gleaming.

"Of course."

***  
TBC  
***

A/N : Ah, I had entirely too much fun reading up about fractures and the different kinds of pneumonia for this chapter. (Funny, reading thousands of words in order to write a few lines...) Say, Sanzo, which one do you want? The viral one with minimal sputum but which affects the throat and bronchus as well, or the bacterial one that will have you coughing your lungs out? ...Don't worry, both hurt. I made sure of that. ^_^.

This fic is written purely to amuse myself. Which means that I've gotten tired of evading cliches and will proceed to hash them out in a very melodramatic and overdone plot. Yeah. XP

More inanity : 

Take #5 :  
If they were lucky, there would be one of those moments where the wind dropped just as they crested a bend. Most times, it would just be more forest and wasteland lying ahead, and Sanzo would sigh and trudge on, but some times, just _sometimes_ there would be lights shimmering ahead, lights that promised warmth, shelter, and food. And as Gojyo and Goku whooped and ran on ahead, Sanzo would raise an eyebrow and give him an amused look. 

"I'll bet you ten to one that's a youkai encampment."

Take #6 :  
Sanzo would -- billowing robes and all, push on ahead through sheer determination, the muttered curses just barely audible, followed by frenzied activity when some part of his robe was caught on a branch. And if Hakkai had bribed the Muse enough, the rest of the robe would get horribly entangled, and Hakkai would have the perfect excuse to drag the priest behind the nearest bush.

Take #7 :  
"There's not much we can do, besides relieve the symptoms," the physician said. "If he were in perfect health, I'd say that he would make a full recovery."_ But..._

"I understand."

"Give him this, twice a day."

"Thank you.... wait, nicotine flavored condoms?"

(See, if not for the outtakes, this would be a perfectly normal ficcie. Since when did throwing two guys in to the same room mean anything, anyway? ...Right?)


	4. Impossibility 4

****

Impossibility 4

It was decidedly unpleasant, Goku thought, being out of the warmth of the inn, trudging in search of Gojyo who-should-have-known-better. In the normal course of things, he wouldn't have minded. But now Sanzo was injured, and even if he was in the good care of Hakkai, Goku would still have liked to be there. 

"Oy, Gojyo? Gojyo!" 

It was dark, it was cold, and the cursed wind was picking up again.

Gojyo wasn't in any of the other inns. Gojyo wasn't in the bathhouse. Goku figured that Gojyo, stupid kappa that he was, had gone after that youkai on the outskirts of town.

"At this time?" Goku asked sourly. "You'd better give me half your dinner for going to look for you!"

He took the winding path towards the other end of town. The streets were deathly quiet this night. Everyone had barred their doors and turned off the lights. It was eerie.

"Oy, _Gojyo...!_"

The path had taken him right to the edge of town. Still no sign of Gojyo. He'd probably jumped the fence and gone outside, since the youkai was outside...

Oh well, he was getting colder and hungrier by the minute, and he wasn't up to serious thinking. He leapt over the fence, and set off. 

***

Hakkai was replacing the cloth over Sanzo's forehead when the priest snapped awake. Fever-bright eyes flicked from Hakkai to the rest of the room, and back again. 

"Are you--"

"Goku," Sanzo interrupted. "Where is he?"

"He went out."

"He's in danger," Sanzo said, struggling to sit up. The attempt was aborted in the midst of a coughing fit. Hakkai grabbed the medicine from off the table behind him. "Drink."

"Drink?" Sanzo spluttered. "Fuck it..." But he reached for the bowl anyway.

"I'll hold it," Hakkai said firmly, trying to ignore the unease that Sanzo's earlier words had caused. "Your hands are shaking."

Sanzo would have eyeballed him, if the coughing fit hadn't subsided to give way to a shaking fit. 

"_Drink_," Hakkai admonished, and when he took that tone, even Sanzo listened. 

"Goku's in trouble?" Hakkai asked, when Sanzo had drained the bowl, wincing only a little at the taste.

"Where _is_ the ape?" Sanzo demanded.

"Gojyo went out. I sent Goku to look for him."

"Gojyo went out? Him too?"

"There was the rumor of a youkai on the loose. I think -- I can't be sure -- that Gojyo went to check it out. It's been two hours since."

"Shit. _Idiots._" Sanzo glanced up at Hakkai. "That leaves two people to go after them. And I can't."

"I'm certain Goku will be able to fight his way out of anything," Hakkai said.

"Not if he doesn't know what he's fighting against."

Hakkai paused. "He didn't meet Zakuro when we did..." _One didn't reflect on how Sanzo knew what was happening to Goku. One didn't reflect about how oneself never had that talent..._

"So aren't you going to go and look for the two bungling fools?" Sanzo asked.

"If there is an enemy targetting you -- then that would be the most foolish thing to do," Hakkai returned.

"Oh, so _you're_ advocating we leave them in the lurch? That's a first." Sanzo reached over and retrieved the gun from the side table. "Well, it's your choice. Personally, I'd be rather glad to be rid of them, anyway."

__

Not helpful, are you? 

"No, I'm not," Sanzo replied, and Hakkai realized that he'd given voice to his thought. 

"I'll leave Hakuryuu," Hakkai said eventually. "Send him to look for me if anything happens."

"It'll be too late by the time he finds you," Sanzo said.

"Too late to help, maybe. Hopefully, not too late to pick up the pieces."

"There won't be any pieces to pick up," Sanzo vowed softly. "Except theirs." 

Then there was nothing to say. Hakkai spoke several words to Hakuryuu, who nodded his assent and flew to perch by Sanzo's side. "Take care," Hakkai wished both of them, and stepped out of the door.

__

I know this is a trap, he thought furiously, _But what else can we do but walk into it ... with our eyes open?_

***

He'd been stabbed. He knew it -- he'd been stabbed enough times to know what it felt like. Pity the idiot who'd not gone straight for the throat though, because gut wounds didn't kill you; not immediately, at least.

Gojyo slammed his elbow back and felt it impact solidly. He hadn't brought his weapon -- oh, stupid, stupid move, but he could still kill a youkai with his bare hands. He turned as the attacker staggered backwards, and dealt him a solid kick to the guts. The knife came for him and he avoided the hasty swing, stepping into position to catch the knife hand. A sharp twist broke the wrist. He stamped -- _hard_ -- on the attacker's toes, and rammed two fingers into his left eye. 

Blood went spraying, and the youkai howled in pain.

__

Big guy, just as they said. Big, stupid brute. Probably stronger than me, but not smart or quick enough.

He jerked on the youkai's wrist hard enough to hear bone grind, and sent the knife flying. 

__

Jump back, his instincts told him, and he did that just as the brute's other fist came flying towards his face. Missed by a hair. Then Gojyo dived back into striking distance. One solid uppercut, and the youkai's head jerked back with a snapping sound. There was a strangled moan, and the youkai thudded heavily into the ground.

__

Okay, there's another. There has to be another one -- the one who spoke to me just seconds before...

Gojyo looked around. The darkness obscured any possible threats. He'd lost even the meager glow of the end of the cigarette. It had dropped out of his mouth when he'd been attacked.

Blood was mapping a trail down his stomach, and now it started to hurt. Subtly at first, then with feverish intensity. _Alright, Gojyo. You're officially in deep shit._ Balance went momentarily awry, and he staggered. A full fall was stopped when his hand met something wooden.

__

The fence!

Now he could see something -- a wavery light in the distance, where a street lamp was still lit. If the other youkai hadn't attacked him by now, he wasn't going to attack him in the middle of town. With an effort, he half climbed, half fell over the fence, one hand clenched over the wound. Then, with the world swimming madly before his eyes, he staggered like a drunken firefly towards the light.

He didn't make it. The darkness expanded and the light went flickery and vague, then vanished altogether.

***

It had started to rain. Goku bemoaned his bad luck, cursed Gojyo, and continued walking. 

After a while he paused. "I know you're following me," he announced. "Stop hiding."

Nothing moved, but the darkness seemed to change, seemed to shift in shade and texture. Goku took another step. Rainwater flattened his hair and dripped into his eyes. He swiped madly at the film of water, blinked -- then he saw a flash of red, somewhere ahead.

"Gojyo?"

"Oy, kid, get your ass over here!"

He ran towards the sound. "What _are_ you doing, stupid kappa?"

There was no reply. The wind whipped into his face and his feet crunched against the soil. 

"Gojyo! Where are you?" he yelled.

"Over here!" the voice called, but it seemed farther than before.

"_Where_--" then he stepped onto empty air. "Oh _shit_!"

He hit the ground with a splash. He swore, sitting up and swiping at his eyes to clear them. His elbow came up against a wall of sorts, and one hand brushed against some wooden object in front. He blinked, sheltering his eyes from the rain with one hand as he cautiously regained his feet.

He was in a pit. The townsfolk had mentioned something like it -- how they'd sometimes set traps for dangerous animals ... and youkai. There were stakes in the pit, that was the wooden thing he'd felt. It was pure luck that he'd missed it. 

"Now how do I get outta here?" Goku demanded. He couldn't see the opening, not with the rain coming down hard and fast. But they'd said something about a ten foot drop. 

Goku dug his fingers into the side, trying to lever himself up. The loosely packed soil crumbled away at his touch. He turned to the stake, only to find that the sides had been greased. Whoever had designed this trap hadn't intended anyone to be able to get out of it. Meanwhile, the water was rising. Not that he expected it to rise high enough to drown him, but it was icy cold. 

He could bet now that the Gojyo he'd seen or heard had been a fake. He could bet that someone had deliberately led him into this mess. This meant that... either no one was coming to his rescue, or Hakkai would be on his way... which left...

"Oh damn you, whoever you are!" Goku cursed. He summoned Nyoibou and dug it into the ground, trying to use it for leverage. But the smooth metal end slipped on the loose soil. 

Then -- something hit him on the shoulder. A fistful of soil. And another. And several more hitting the ground beside him. Goku glanced up, but he still couldn't see anything. But he could very well guess that, somewhere up there, there was a bunch of ... youkai, probably, trying to bury him alive. 

"Oh damn it," he swore.

***

Hakkai raced through the dark as fast as his legs could carry him. The rain made it almost impossible to see, but he could sense something -- something that probably involved teeth and claws and a whole lot of _youryoku_. But if the rain made things a little more difficult for him, then it also masked his approach.

__

Hurry, every instinct told him.

He saw them at last, when the rain faltered momentarily and the wind gusted the other way. Three of them, bent over some thing, absorbed in their work. And above the crunch of shovels digging into earth, he thought he heard something more -- a voice.

Hakkai blasted one of them away before the other two looked up. As they charged towards him, he took one down, then the last slipped, tumbled sideways... and disappeared.

"Holy shit!" the wind brought a voice to his ears, and he was sure of it now -- it was Goku. At the same time, there was a scream, a youkai howl of pain. As he rushed forward, he saw why.

They'd -- or someone -- had dug a trap. Once, it had probably been covered with leaves and twigs, but then someone had triggered it and now that cover was gone. It was wide... almost six feet by six feet. In the center, two feet apart from each other, stood four large wooden stakes, sharpened to a point.

The youkai had fallen onto one. It protruded through his shoulder as he thrashed helplessly, screaming in agony. Hakkai winced, and fired. The scream twisted into silence.

"Hakkai!" another voice called. "Down here! Be careful!" 

"Goku?" he moved as far forward as he dared -- he didn't trust that the very edge would hold his weight. 

"Yeah! I need help! It's really deep!"

Hakkai checked his person. Nope, no rope. "Extend Nyoibou," he called to Goku. "And pass me one end. I'll pull you up."

"Alright!"

Hakkai dodged backwards as the end of Nyoibou came shooting out. The magical weapon could extend at its owner's will, and theoretically had no finite length. Which was just as well. 

"Whoops! Did I hit you?" Goku called.

"No. I have it. Come on, let's get you out of there."

"Right!"

With a thunk, Nyoibou hit the ground. Hakkai and Goku flopped down beside it, gasping for breath.

"Good thing you came when you did," Goku said. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Oh... I didn't manage to find Gojyo. I thought I saw him, but I think it was a trick." Goku glanced over. "Did he get back?"

"No," Hakkai brushed the hair out of his eyes.

Goku swore, muttering an expletive that he could only have learnt from Sanzo. "I'd continue looking for him, but I don't think we should split up again."

"It would be a bad idea," Hakkai agreed. "But let's have a quick look around. He can't be too far from here."

"And Hakuryuu's here," Goku pointed out. "Just in time too!"

"Hakuryuu's here..." Hakkai looked up, as the dragon came towards him, a white blur of movement. "Oh. Oh no."

***

(You probably *don't* want to hear about the outtakes regarding fried-youkai-on-a-spit, anyway.)


	5. Impossibility 5

****

Impossibility 5

The drive back had all the texture of a nightmare. Rain splattered against the windshield, sprayed against them and whipped into their eyes, windshield or no. The roads were starting to flood, and there was a tense moment when Jiipu splashed into a large puddle and faltered, engine whirring. Then Hakkai slammed on the accelerator, and with only a small squeak of protest, Jiipu shot forward again.

Back at the inn, Hakkai waited only long enough to make sure the dragon had a place in front of the fire before bolting upstairs. There was no despair, a small part of his mind noted, just a grim expectation of the worst; there was no hope, just belief. _You won't die on me_._ You _won't.

There was a crowd outside the door. 

"Excuse me!" Goku yelled, elbowing his way past. Elbows shoved back, and onlookers refused to give way.

"Let me _through_!" Goku snapped, his frustration growing. "Let me through or I'll--"

"_Stand back_," a voice said from.

The words lanced through the chatter, froze noise into silence. There was a timeless pause. Goku turned slowly. _Everyone_ turned. 

Hakkai stood a few steps behind. Water streamed off him, dripping off the end of his bangs. His monocle had misted over, and the other eye was shadowed. A _ki_ ball glowed between his fingertips.

The crowd parted silently -- not out of deference to Hakkai's wishes, but a simple inclination to get out of the line of fire. Hakkai shoved his way through, and no one got in his way. Goku followed silently after.

The room was surprisingly intact. There were several bullet holes in the walls, and the light and the windows were smashed, but it was otherwise untouched. A_ spattering of blood_, Hakkai registered. _No claw marks all over the walls. No corpses. No living creatures either._

...No Sanzo.

"Hakkai--" Goku was standing by the wall. "There's something here."

Hakkai glanced sharply over, and his eyes widened. What he'd mistaken upon first glance to be a spray of blood against the wall was more than that. 

"It's writing." Goku squinted. 

Hakkai read the words. Once. Twice. Then his fist slammed hard enough into the wall to leave cracks. Goku stepped back hurriedly; the crowd peering in through the door looked nervously on.

"..Hak...kai.." even Goku sounded apprehensive. "Are you okay?"

Hakkai glanced at him, green eyes seeing and not seeing; racing past to another time, another year, another room. 

__

A shattered picture frame. And over turned chair. A vase, smashed into smithereens, the flowers they'd arranged this morning scattered and trampled and broken--

--"...kai?"

He blinked, rapidly. "I'm alright, Goku." 

"I don't understand," Goku said, frowning. He traced a finger across the blood, and it smudged, not completely dry. "Why would the enemy take Sanzo hostage and ask us to go after him?"

One breath to quieten the ghosts of the past. Two before he trusted himself to speak. 

"Because," Hakkai said quietly, "I have the sutra."

He'd wondered if it was a mistake to take one of Sanzo's weapons with him when he'd gone looking for Goku. Logic had argued that if Sanzo couldn't take out his enemies with the gun, he wouldn't have the _time_ to use the sutra, especially not in his present condition. 

But all the logic in the world couldn't stop the gnawing feeling of doubt -- _What if, what if, what if_. Unconsciously, he reached into his pocket and his fingers closed around the scroll, his eyes returning to the message their unseen enemy had left. 

__

Bring the sutra. _The forest at the eastern side of the town_. _You have half an hour._

He read the words again, trying desperately to discern something about the identity of the attacker. At least he knew it was probably in Kougaiji's or Gyokumen's employ. At least he knew -- or desperately hoped -- that Sanzo was still alive.

But the message was written in blood, and he knew with a cold certainty that it wasn't youkai blood.

He turned to the crowd, and they inched back nervously under his gaze. "Do you know what happened?" He kept his voice level, the manner polite. 

The innkeeper glanced furtively at him. "We heard the gunshots, but all we saw when we opened the door was darkness. Then it lifted, and everything was exactly as you see it..."

"Darkness?" Hakkai said sharply. 

"Dark as pitch. Then we heard a scream -- a howl, something like, and another shot. There was a crash of glass -- sounded like someone leaving through the window. I think..." and the terror was clear in the way his voice trembled-- "I think there was a youkai."

"Hakkai..." Goku was behind him, tugging at his sleeve. Hakkai could feel the boy's impatience and worry. He was holding himself in check, but just barely. "What do we do?"

__

What do we do indeed? the words rang through his head with the edge of despair. _Gojyo... missing. Probably injured. Possibly dead. Sanzo... in the hands of the enemy._ He glared barefully at the rain gusting in through the smashed window. 

"Should we split up?" Goku asked. "You can go and look for Gojyo. I can handle whoever--"

"No," Hakkai said heavily. "This is a delicate situation. One move and they'll probably kill Sanzo." _So even if they don't have the scroll, at least they're rid of an enemy who knows how to use it_. "And..." he stared at the trickle of blood winding its way down from the last fullstop. "I don't think you can take them on alone."

__

But Gojyo! Worry made his nerves tingle. 

__

One should never have to choose between one friend and another...

"Hakkai." Goku's voice was low but steady. "I'll look for Gojyo. You go and find Sanzo."

He glanced over, genuinely surprised. Golden eyes stared back, filled with worried resolution. 

"You're better at this than I am," Goku said. He looked away for a moment, teeth clenching, then back again. "I'll find Gojyo and look for you when I'm done." 

Hakkai stared wordlessly at him.

"Hakkai..." Goku's fingers brushed the edge of his limiter before he jerked his hand away. _I trust you_.

"I won't let you down," he promised. "The eastern edge of the forest. I'll meet you there."

Goku nodded tersely, then shoved his way out pass the crowd and out the door. 

Hakkai stayed for a moment, staring at the shattered glass on the floor. 

*

It was fucking pathetic, Gojyo figured. Lying in the middle of the road with his guts spilling out onto the muddy, rainslicked ground. He wanted to laugh, except that it hurt too much.

__

Is this what it felt like? he wondered dizzily. _Hakkai?_

"Man," he muttered into the ground, shifting slightly to get his nose out of the forming puddles. "That was really stupid."

"Yes, it was," a new voice said from somewhere above him.

"Hakkai?"

"No, you idiot kappa." There was a splash of water, then Goku's face came into view. "What happened to you? I was looking for you all over the place!"

Rain fell, cold against his already soaked jacket. "Damn, and I was hoping for some chick. But with my luck so rotten at the moment, it's no surprise that all I get is some soggy monkey."

"Idiot!" Goku growled. Gojyo blinked in some surprise. The kid wasn't his usual self. There was more splashing, then Goku had one arm around his shoulders. "Come on, let's get you out of the rain. Jiipu's here."

"Jeep?" Gojyo blinked groggily, then realized that the bright patch in front of his eyes were the shining headlights of their Jeep. But... "No Hakkai?"

"Hakkai's gone to look for Sanzo," Goku said through gritted teeth. 

"Sanzo, eh? What happened to the monk _this_ time?" with a wince of pain, he staggered to his feet, leaning heavily against Goku. The rain was bloody _freezing_, as if it were shards of ice falling instead of water.

Goku didn't answer. Jiipu squeaked and inched closer. "Hang tight," Goku said, and practically flung him into the passenger seat.

...That _had_ to suck. He crumpled up, sucking in air, his vision spinning crazily. _Damn ape!_

There was a flurry of movement in front of him, Goku leaping into the driver's seat. _Wait, wait, the kid can't drive!_

Goku stepped down on the accelerator before Gojyo could voice a protest or select to opt-out of this very much unwanted scheme. Jiipu leapt forward and he slammed back his into seat. Breath and sight vanished.

"Help me out here," Goku muttered to Jiipu, who sent a small squeak back. The Jeep could drive itself -- to a certain extent; and Goku could drive it -- to a certain extent -- and somehow, they'd managed to rush around town in a combination of nonexistent skill and pure luck. It was just as well that the dragon didn't stall like normal jeeps. 

But it was _hard_, Goku thought, frowning in sheer concentration. He could barely manage the corners, and on the wet and _slippery_ roads... Jiipu was going to have a few scratches after this. And then there was another problem. Goku lifted his foot from the accelerator for a moment, allowing Jiipu to coast for a while as he peered down dark streets. He remembered taking a left here, a right there, and another turn, and another... running down dead ends until all of them blurred in his mind. 

"Kyuu?" Jiipu asked. 

"I'm lost," Goku muttered. "Which way's the inn?"

"Kyuu kyuu..." Jiipu replied, and slowed to a halt. Goku stared, squinting through the rain. Not for the first time, he wondered why Hakkai had entrusted Hakuryuu to him. He hadn't even had a chance to talk to the older man about it -- Hakuryuu had simply come flying out after him, alighted on his shoulder, and refused to go back. 

"I know," Goku said miserably. "After all those streets we went down looking for Gojyo, all of them look exactly the same!"

"Kyu---"

The change in the dragon's tone caught Goku's attention. He looked up sharply--

--when something leapt from the rooftops to land heavily on Jiipu's bonnet. The dragon squeaked in pain and protest.

"Now isn't that convenient?" a voice drawled out of the darkness. Goku leapt backwards, summoning Nyoibou as the feel of _youryoku_ swarmed around him. There was a shuffle of footsteps in the darkness behind. 

"Poor thing," another voice said, and its tone was anything but sympathetic. "Little kid's taken the wrong turn."

"I'll show you who's the kid!" Goku yelled, and charged. 

Metal clashed upon metal, and the sounds of fighting filled the night.

*

The cold of the rain and the rustling of the trees made Hakkai's skin crawl. It was all too reminiscent of the past. Except then he'd been human, armed with nothing more than a blade. But the setting was the same, the rain was the same, the shifting darkness no different from... back then. 

"You'd better hurry," a voice called out of nowhere, and involuntarily, he started. Paused. Glanced around sharply.

"Hurry, I said," the voice called again, from another direction and closer now. 

Hakkai stopped completely. He laced his fingers and stretched, feeling tense back muscles loosen. A smile grew on his face as he stared up, watching the silver droplets run through the leaves. There was a growl nearby, and Hakkai's smile grew.

"The eastern side of the forest, you said. Isn't this it?"

"Further in. This way." He still couldn't see anything, but the voice was in front of him now.

"Why don't you just put in an appearance?" he asked politely. "It's far easier than having to play 'Follow my voice'. Besides, I won't shoot the guide."

"Shall we play follow the monk's screams, then?" a new voice asked sharply. 

Hakkai's smile didn't slip, but his eyes narrowed. He continued forward, still maintaining a leisurely pace. There were a few enemies -- he was certain of that now. Several behind, several to each side, closing in in an ever tightening circle. 

And the wind gusted through his hair, and the darkness shifted as he walked. 

And walked. 

And walked through time and space and memory. 

*

One step.

__

"How did you do it?"

__

Hakkai glanced up from the book he'd been reading. Goku was staring at him, chin on arms, arms crossed against the back of the chair. 

"Do what, Goku?"

Goku tapped his ear lobe. "Put them back on again."

"Ah." So that was what the boy had been thinking about of late. He'd seemed distracted ever since that incident with Kinkaku. He raised a hand to brush across the silvered surface of the limiters. They were cold, far colder than metal so close to skin should feel. The mere touch sent a needle all the way down his finger into his forearm, and he shuddered away. "Ah."

"Come on, Hakkai," Goku said. "I mean... how could you can stay in control when..." his voice dropped. "I can't even remember what happens when I take off my limiter, but..." he stared at his hands. "I know that putting the limiter back on is the last thing on my mind."

Not that it isn't close to the last thing on mine_, Hakkai thought ruefully. It was hard to explain. It wasn't something that he was ready to talk about; wasn't something that he was even sure was real. It certainly wasn't something he understood, himself._

"I'm afraid I can't help you there."

"Why not?" Goku asked, more confused than offended.

Hakkai shrugged helplessly. "Because..."

*

Two steps.

__

"Genjo Sanzo Houshi, Zainin · Cho Gonou... Enter."

__

He'd been staring at the doors, intrigued by the patterns that ran across the surface. Gold doors, almost three times the height of a man, with three great wheels engraved upon them. 

Wheels of ... what? He'd wondered vaguely. Karma seemed the answer; the endless cycles of life. But he was hardly concerned with life now. It was hard to think beyond the numbness that had grappled claws into his mind.

Something had changed on that barren land where Hyakuganmaou's castle had once stood. Something in his own soul had been razed flat by that sight. Sanzo had brought him there for a purpose, he realized. Had brought him there to see the end of the chapter that he'd started, perhaps to show him that... even at the end, there was no end. There was just... nothingness.

And when the grief and the anger had started to sweep up again, Sanzo's voice had come to him like first rays of morning -- brushing away even the anguish of the night, wrenching the last thing he had from his grasp.

Then there had been nothing, just the light of the sun shining impartially down across the world.

*

And Hakkai's next step brought him out of the forest into a clearing. He stopped, and around him, the circle of youkai moved in, the jaws of the trap closing around its target. 

***  
TBC  
***

Zainin -- Criminal

--

Um... okay, outtakes. Really bad humor. Mostly drawn from the previous chapters.

Remember Take #7? 

Take #7b :

"There's not much we can do, besides relieve the symptoms," the physician said. "If he were in perfect health, I'd say that he would make a full recovery."_ But..._

"I understand."

"Give him this, twice a day."

"Thank you.... wait, nicotine flavored condoms?"

"Tell him that the idea is to concentrate on sucking, not coughing."

***

Take #8

Hakkai blasted one of them away before the other two looked up. As they charged towards him, he took one down, then the last slipped, tumbled sideways... and disappeared.

"Holy shit!" the wind brought a voice to his ears, and he was sure of it now -- it was Goku. At the same time, there was a scream, a youkai howl of pain. As he rushed forward, he saw why.

Hakkai paused in shock silence for a moment. Then he gathered the breath to yell : "Seiten Taisei Son Goku! Put your limiter back on this instant! And your pants!"

***

Take #9

__

And when the grief and the anger had started to sweep up again, Sanzo's voice had come to him like first rays of morning -- brushing away even the anguish of the night, wrenching the last thing he had from his grasp.

"Dude," said the voice. "Pot is _good_ for you."

***

Take #10 

Goku stared, squinting through the rain. Not for the first time, he wondered why Hakkai had entrusted Hakuryuu to him. He hadn't even had a chance to talk to the older man about it -- Hakuryuu had simply come flying out after him, alighted on his shoulder, and refused to go back. 

__

Elsewhere

"I'm glad you got rid of that annoying dragon for a change. I hate having an audience."

"Ah, but having a third party makes it more fun, doesn't it? Sanzo."

"Weirdo."

"Besides, it wasn't entirely for your sake. Poor Hakuryuu gets so traumatized every time we do this."

***

^_______^;;;;;;;;


	6. Impossibility 6

****

Impossibility 6

Extended scenes in italics are flashbacks.  
Rated R for graphic violence. 

Hakkai was a trifle surprised when the youkai leapt down from the treetops to land right before him. "A new species of tree climbing youkai?" 

"The sutra," the youkai growled, ignoring the jibe.

"Oh no no," Hakkai said cheerfully. "Payment on delivery only. Where's Sanzo?"

The youkai shifted, affording him a view of the clearing beyond. The priest was on the ground, evidently unconscious. Blood was splashed across his robes and traced a trickle down the side of his face. But he was alive. Not unharmed, but alive.

"Ah," Hakkai said quietly, noticing movement out of the corner of his eye. There was something strange about this forest; either that or it was the _youryoku_, but something kept trying to drag him back into the shadows of yesteryear. 

"The sutra," the youkai repeated.

"Hm. Yes," Hakkai replied. He took a step forward...

__

...he stepped through the large golden doors, and straight into a dungeon. "Oh," he blinked, somewhat disappointed. He'd expected to see the gods before he died, but perhaps the gods did not appear to mortal eyes after all.

He took another step before he noticed that Sanzo had not followed him. A glance backwards revealed no Sanzo, in fact, it revealed no doorway, just the blackness of a stairwell winding up behind him. He turned back, and realized with a start that this dungeon was familiar. Too familiar.

"So this is what hell is," he mused. Reliving this scene over and over, seeing her die again and again before his eyes, until the far reaches of eternity. He stared blankly at the gray walls beyond, his fists tightening.

The hilt of a knife dug into his right hand. He looked down, seeing the blade that he'd carried into the castle, and an idea began to grow. This ... was the blade that Kanan had taken; the blade that she would secretly sneak from its sheath to end her life with. 

But, he wondered. But if not for this knife... 

He hefted it in his hand, fully intending to fling it away into the darkness.

That was when the youkai attacked.

That was when the youkai attacked.

Hakkai whirled smoothly, letting the clumsy attack fly past. He took two steps towards Sanzo, noting the youkai guards.

He fired before they had a chance to kill their captive, eliminating one then the other in rapid succession. His elbow slammed into the gut of the third, sending him staggering backwards, as Hakkai gathered enough ki to vaporise him. Then he was standing over Sanzo as the rest of the youkai swarmed towards him. 

"My, just one of me against all of you," he smiled genteelly. _Just one of me against a thousand of you_. He looked around at the circle as he gathered his ki, ready to concentrate it into a weapon as soon as the first youkai made his move.

But the youkai weren't striking. They stood, staring at him with narrow eyes. Tightening the circle, yes, but not attacking as yet. Afraid, perhaps, or waiting for something. 

Hakkai's eyes sweeped across the clearing against, and locked gazes with one very familiar enemy.

"Ah, Zakuro. Sanzo thought it might be you."

Zakuro stared back at him, unspeaking. Then very slowly, he blinked his eyes once.

__

He dispatched them with minimal difficulties, retreating into the stairwell to force them to come at him one by one. Then he'd simply cut them down. Stepping over their corpses, he moved cautiously into the dungeon.

He couldn't rid himself of the knife yet. Not until he'd gotten her out of here. Somehow, somehow he'd talk to her. Persuade her. Show her that there was a life worth--

--that was when he saw himself. 

He was stumbling through the dungeon, lost and blood splattered. Stumbling towards Kanan's cell, the blade still tucked in his belt. 

He lunged forward, intent on stopping his other self, when a step behind him made him turn.

Hakkai surfaced from the memory like a drowning man, one hand grasping the side of his head. He flung himself back, just in time to avoid being gutted. _Zakuro learnt something from the last encounter, at least_, he thought furiously. _He could always read our memories, but he never thought to use them against us. Until now_.

In the moment of introspection, he barely avoided the attack. Claws raked across his forearm before he landed punch to the youkai's jaw, shattering it. He concentrated, and several ki blasts later, he earned himself a breathing space.

__

He moved even before he really recognized the face. His blade came up, sweeping downwards towards the youkai's exposed face... only to crash into the other's katana as he parried swiftly.

Chin Isou. The name came belatedly, straggling into his memory. The one who...

...he glanced back briefly. The other ... that copy of him... was still staggering, slowly but surely towards Kanan's cell. He didn't have time. Chin Isou was speaking, his tone high and mocking. But he couldn't hear the words; couldn't hear anything besides the rush of rain and thunder. He disengaged and came in for a low side strike, closing the distance to deny his enemy the full efficiency of the longer katana.

There was a clash as Chin Isou parried again, and he grabbed the opportunity to lash out. His knee connected solidly with the youkai's gut, and his knife came up in same motion, plunging through the bottom of the ribcage into the heart.

He leapt back, abandoning the blade, as blood splattered onto his hands. He eyed the youkai for one second to make sure that he was dying, before turning back--

--and promptly collapsed on the floor as the transformation took place.

The flare of pain across his cheek snapped him back to reality once more. He couldn't fight when he was this distracted. And time was running out; Sanzo was probably dying as he dallied. But he couldn't find a clear way to get at Zakuro -- there was always another youkai in the way, always someone attacking from another direction. He had to find another way of breaking Zakuro's hold on his mind.

The answer came in a flash as another youkai came at him, screaming in crazed blood lust. Of course. Zakuro worked on the conscious mind, played on one's thoughts and memories. The mind showed a scene, believed it, trapped the viewer into a nightmare of Zakuro's creation, nevermind that it was merely an illusion.

But Zakuro could not work on an empty mind. 

He smiled, very slightly. Then he reached for his limiters.

__

When he could see again, his other self was already kneeling by the cell._ He lunged forward, claws already raised to strike--_

--but this is myself--_ something said, in that little part of his mind that still existed. _--And if I kill myself...--

__

The claws came down in a spattering of blood. 

It's over.She's safe now. Safe.

Then he turned to look at her.

The claws came down in a spattering of blood. The youkai stumbled, screaming voicelessly through a throat that wasn't there any more. Hakkai looked up slowly, regarding the blood that dripped off his hands. Blood mixed with rain water to trail away.

There was one more, he knew. There was one more he had to kill. He scanned the clearing slowly. There was a flash of movement to the side and he glanced that way--

--_he turned to look at her and saw himself instead. Lank hair fell into his eyes, mask the start of the trail of leaf markings that wound down his hair to disappear into the collar of his shirt. It was a white shirt, hanging loosely out. The ends of the sleeves were tattered, torn away. Blood splashed across the length of the cloth, red and black._

He raised a hand, and his reflection mirrored it. Blood ran down the length of deadly claws. 

Youkai blood. His _blood. _

He blinked, and he saw her_ face, saw shock and horror, saw fear and ... loathing. He blinked again and saw his reflection, saw the corners of his mouth curl up into a smile--_

--and his gut wrenched in denial and hatred as his vision ran red.

Something was wrong. He'd closed his eyes. No, he'd been seeing something else. It was hard to think in this state, not with the smell of blood flooding his senses and making his clawed fingers twitch. 

There was a corner of his mind still his own that screamed desperately at him to find the limiters again. He'd assumed wrongly; or something; either way he could not escape the ghosts of the past so simply and events were spiralling desperately out of control...

Kill it_, the mind said. _Kill that monster in front of you. Save your sister. _His reflection regarded him with a lazy smile._

What use is a monster in this world? Even if this is not reality and Kanan is dead, does the monster not still exist? I should strike it down and end it now, go to the darkness whence I came, and inflict no more hurt on the world...

He clutched his head as the present clashed with the past until he could barely tell one from the other. There were voices in the back of his head, whispering, but he could not make out the words. The subtle touch of the Minus Wave, boiling like an angry sea in the distance. 

He took a deep breath even as he clawed blindly in front of him. Someone screeched and there was the sound of running feet. Blood sprayed across his face, and he shuddered violently. His hand spasmed, itching to drive claws into flesh, to rend, kill, destroy. 

__

Rend, kill, destroy. To dispatch the monster in front of him. There was no doubt in his mind: if he killed that other self, he would die too, but it would be fitting end. Cho Gonou was long dead, dead when Chin Isou had cut his stomach open and left him dying the floor of the dungeon. It would be so easy. He would be able to join Kanan, to turn his back on the sins laid at his feet, turn away and care never more for the world. 

"No-- _no_," Hakkai gasped. His own claws raked down the side of his face, drawing blood. _That way lies madness. Disaster. I am not -- _not _-- in the temple of the Sanbutshin. _

'How do you do it?' Goku had asked.

Will power. Self control. But none of that more important than that very experience back in Chou An--

--_He could see the jugular, outlined starkly against the pale skin. Nine major arteries leading to the brain, was it? And nine major veins. Crush the windpipe. Tear out the throat. It would be over so quickly. He narrowed his eyes and leapt forward._

His claws impacted solidly on flesh and ripped downwards. There was a vicious curse, but the voice wasn't his own. He forced himself to see beyond the miasma of red and the darkness clouding in around his vision, and saw... 

White and gold. 

Sanzo stood before him, his forearm shredded from wrist to elbow. He'd gone as pale as a ghost, but the amethyst eyes narrowed in pain still stared at him with the same force of old.

"You idiot. You thrice-blasted, pig-headed, idiot_," Sanzo hissed. "What do you think you're doing?"_

"Justice," he replied calmly. "He who kills must be prepared to die in turn. That is the cycle of karma."

"And you think that you're the one to dish out..." his lip curled in a sneer "...justice?"

An interesting question; one that intrigued the philosopher in him and moved him to stay his hand. "If not myself, then who? This is evidently the will of the Gods-- to put my own incarnation before my eyes and bid me kill. What greater justice is there, that the one who kills should ultimately die by his own hand?"

"Your concept of justice is screwed up, to say the least," Sanzo said gravely. "No one bid you act, to kill all those youkai or yourself. No one determines actions that we chose of our own volition; not even the Gods. To put it in a way your addled brain can comprehend : Your 'will of the Gods' line is an excuse, plain and simple. And it's not even a good one."

They traded glares, and nothing existed in that time but the cold of infinity and the iron smell of blood.

"You could die. Run away." Sanzo said at last. "It wouldn't change anything."

"But living would change some things?"

Sanzo shrugged eloquently. "It all depends on what you do with your life. But it is not given to us to chose when to end it." A shadow of bitterness flashed across his face. 

"Kanan did not see it that way."

"And what good did her death bring?" Sanzo's eyes never left his face as he held out a hand. Silvered objects glittered in his palm. "Either kill yourself or don't. Stop wasting my time."

But I want to die_, he realized. _What more is there to life? I have loved and lost and the sun may rise tomorrow, but I cannot see it; I cannot see beyond the darkness and the blood...

__

"Oh, for the gods' sake," Sanzo said sarcastically. "Since when did 'I want' ever matter?" He stepped closer, and raised his uninjured arm to Gonou's face. Let it hover there for a moment, so close that he could almost feel the warmth from his fingers. Then with a swift motion, Sanzo wiped away the blood on his cheek.

"Blood," Sanzo said, dusting his fingers off on his robe, "Can always be washed away." And he held out the limiters once more. 

Hakkai raised a trembling hand to the blood trickling down his cheek. _Blood... can always be washed away._ He couldn't see Zakuro; although he knew with the certainty of madness that he'd struck and drawn blood. He could smell it. Could vaguely remember the look of shock and horror, then the twisted fury as Zakuro leapt away. He must have run. There was a trail of blood leading further into the forest. He could _sense_ the youkai, fleeing with the speed of desperation. 

He could follow, cut him down, and rid themselves of this enemy once and for all.

__

Do, a voice said in his head. _Cut him down. Draw out his screams, watch the blood wash across your fingers. _

Blood can always be washed away.

He took a step forward, peering at the trail. Somewhere, someplace, there was a task he'd embarked on, something that needed to be done, but the hunt was more important. The hunt, and the kill. He sniffed the air delicately.

There was movement behind. Hakkai spun instantly, instincts clamoring for the fight and the blood. Had there been an enemy he'd missed? Was there something more to kill?

His eyes, piercing the gloom, met white and gold.

Sanzo said nothing, one hand clutching a tree trunk for support, the other extended, palm upwards. Three limiters lay still in his hand. His arm never wavered, despite the almost unbearable agony that standing brought. 

Seconds passed, and neither side moved. 

"Don't make me do that bullshit all over again," Sanzo growled at last. His left leg was buckling first, threatening to give. "Stop wasting my time."

__

"Stop wasting my time." Sanzo glanced at the limiters in his palm. "And don't expect me to put them on for you. You're old enough to look after yourself."

He never understood why he'd done it that first time. It wasn't Sanzo's eloquence. It wasn't his own logic. It wasn't... it wasn't anything, except...

...it felt right. 

__

I couldn't explain to you, Goku, because I don't know. It is a choice we make. To rule our own destinies, to choose our path, to deal with the consequences of our own actions. I cannot explain it to you because you were never given that choice; it was never given to you to remember what happened, five hundred years ago, it was never given to you to replace your limiters, it wasn't even given to you to choose to leave the mountain and follow Sanzo.

He reached for the limiters, in the past and present, and neatly clasped them to his left ear.

__

I chose... the harder road. Because it is not given to us to run from our sins, to ignore the sacrifices of others, to tear the world apart and give nothing back. 

The last limiter slipped into place, and the world faded gratifyingly black. 

__

Just for a little while, he promised himself. _Just a little while._

***

Goku sprawled backwards, skidding across the wet cobbles. Hakuryuu shrilled, distressed, darting out of the way of an axe strike. He hovered by Goku's shoulder, staring nervously at the approaching youkai.

It wasn't that the youkai were strong, or quick, or anything like that, Goku reflected. It was just that the footing was so treacherous, and he had Gojyo to look after, which meant that he couldn't make full use of his superior speed and reflexes. 

"_Kyuu_," Hakuryuu said, and the urgency was clear in his voice. 

"Hakuryuu... you go look for Hakkai and Sanzo," Goku told him. "I'll look after Gojyo. I think I can find shelter, even if I can't get him back to the inn."

That was all the dragon needed, and with a flash of white wings, he set off at full speed. Goku turned to face the oncomers. "Nothing I can't handle," he said loudly. 

"Is that so?" a voice said from behind. Goku spun, not nearly fast enough, and met an oncoming club head on. He stumbled backwards and fell, stunned. The youkai he hadn't seen advanced, lifting the heavy club to strike the killing blow.

"Shit," Goku breathed. Numb fingers refused to curl around Nyoibou, and he couldn't even feel his legs. Scratch that, he could barely see -- black spots were dotting his vision and there was blood in his eyes. "_Shit_."

He saw the club descending, a black shadow against the darker sky. Despite his best efforts to stare death in the face, he blinked.

He missed the stone that sailed out of the dark. But he heard the thud as it hit the club, deflecting the blow. His eyes were open in that second, sensation rushing back to his body. Ignoring the exploding pain in his skull, he grabbed Nyoibou and leapt to his feet. The staff switch to a flail with a single thought, and he whirled, striking out at the attackers who'd crowded round. There was the crunch of bone as he caught one across the ribs, a yelp of pain as the flail hit a shoulder, and the third youkai crumbled as he nailed it neatly across the temple.

"Nothing you can't handle, eh?" a familiar voice called out. 

"Yeah," Goku called back. "If only I didn't have to babysit the kappa as well!" He rammed his elbow solidly into a youkai's gut, whirling Nyoibou behind him to dissuade further attacks. The youkai scattered. With a leap, Goku fell on the slowest, bringing his staff downwards in an overarm stroke that split the youkai's skull. He dived beneath the swipe of a hastily aimed club, Nyoibou impacting solidly on the youkai's torso with enough force to shatter ribs and drive them deep into the lungs. As the youkai fell, screaming, Goku turned to face the remaining two. 

"So which of you is going to be first?" he called out. 

The two youkai exchanged glances, then turned tail and fled. 

Goku waited until they'd vanished, before collapsing in an exhausted heap. His stomach was churning with nausea, and he was sure that he was going to have a splitting headache for _days_. In fact, it seemed like a wonderful idea just to go to sleep _now_...

He flopped backwards, ignoring the rain that had started up again. Hakuryuu would find Hakkai. Gojyo was probably okay, if he was awake. Hakkai would look after Sanzo. He didn't care any more. He was going to sleep, and no one was going to stop him.

***

Hakkai came awake as the first raindrops splashed onto his face. He blinked, momentarily disoriented. Rain, wind, leaves... the sky was still not bright, although dawn couldn't be very far away--

--panic hit him with the force of a sledgehammer. 

He sat up abruptly, dislodging the arm that was around his shoulders. As it fell limply to the ground, he turned and stared in horror. 

It was Sanzo, who'd obviously tried to move them both. There was a trail of mud and disturbed foliage where he'd evidently crawled from the clearing, dragging Hakkai with him. Trying to do the impossible, but that was Sanzo for you...

Gently, Hakkai rolled the priest over onto his back, staring in concern at the reopened wounds. Sanzo wasn't just pale; he was going a sickly shade of gray. There was a trickle of blood down his chin, still fresh, and as Hakkai moved him, a fresh bout of coughs wracked his frame. 

__

I... why... the rain was starting up in earnest again, and they were still in the middle of forest. Goku and Gojyo hadn't put in an appearance; goodness knows where they were. Or if they were even--

--Hakkai pushed those thoughts from his mind. _I trust you to look after yourselves_, he thought vehemently. There was nothing he could do for them know. But there was someone whose life did hang in his hands right now.

__

And in my absurd stupidity, I fell asleep and nearly let him die. If he isn't dead yet, he's going to be... Hakkai laid a hand against Sanzo's forehead and frowned in alarm. He wasn't even feverish any more; between the rain and bloodloss, it was miracle he had any body heat left.

__

I don't have the time to get him back to the inn, Hakkai thought desperately. _I have to do what I can here, and hope for the best..._

He'd have to start with the open wounds first. Concentrating, he called on his ki reserves and bent over his patient. _He needs more energy. Just more energy; that's all I can do for him. _

That was the last coherent thought he had before he plunged into the glow of a healing trance. 

*

It was almost dawn before Hakuryuu found the clearing. Sensing his master's presence, he winged downwards. Both were rain soaked, blood splattered... and unconscious. Concerned, he tugged at Hakkai's sleeve, but the other failed to respond. When chirps, tugging and even head butting failed to elicit Hakkai's attention, Hakuryuu took a deep breath and puffed a small fireball in his face.

Hakkai's eyes flickered open, and the smallest of smiles lighted his face. "Hakuryuu, thank goodness. Where are the others?"

Hakuryuu chirped in a reassuring manner, and nudged Hakkai's arm. 

"I'm afraid I can't move just yet," Hakkai murmured. "I must have overdone it a bit." Green eyes drifted shut on this pronouncement. Hakuryuu's frantic efforts to wake him a second time did not succeed. With a cry of despair, the dragon darted off to look for help.

* * * * *  


*waves hand airily*. That chapter took forever and half to write, had to be rewritten at least twice (no thanks to Microsoft Word crashing and losing data), and _still_ didn't come out well. And the guys just kept blacking out on me. Hang it all. *stalks off to the recovery room to brew up enough coffee to wake the dead* 

(No outtakes; this chapter is already 3,900+ words long!) 

This story is a beast, I tell you. A _beast_. It was supposed to be 1,000 words long in the beginning! 

__

*looks hopefully at the review button* I know it's not the best thing I've ever written, but... (But that gives you an excuse to comment critically, does it not? ^_^)


	7. Impossibility 7

Impossibility 7

A mote of light, flickering on the edge of perception.

An idle thought; a bemused contemplation: _How strange the concept of boundaries in endless darkness_.

The light grew.

From spark to ball, ball to star. Divided: twin sports, then four, eight. A galaxy, spinning slowly upon its axis. A sphere, of countless specks. A sphere within a greater ovoid. A wash of brightness.

Lines.  
Plains.  
Shapes.

A flash of recognition: A man, walking.

He watched with a dreamer's patience as the figure neared, moving towards him in this place where there were no distances. It halted, eyes upon him, then turn away.

Movement ceased. Black became gray, became white, then shattered in a shower of brilliance.

He awoke.

--

A man stood in a doorway. Before him lay a bedroom: a plain affair of off-white plaster peeling from the walls, and cracked and dirty floorboards of wood. In this room was a table, a chair, and a bed.

The man waited. Upon the bed another man stiired, on the very brink of awareness. Eyes darted under closed lids. Lips moved, formed words. A soft sigh, a wisp of breath that echoed in the silence. Then a blink, to reveal eyes a unique shade of iridescent green.

A pause.

"Good morning," the man on the bed said at last. His fingers crept, almost unconsciously, to brush the surface of three cuffs upon his left ear.

The man in the doorway made no reply. Stillness radiated from him.

"You shouldn't be able to to stand there like that, you know," the man on the bed said. "...unless I was unconscious for several weeks without knowing it." He chuckled softly and sat up, but did not look round. He did not need to.

Silence pooled in the room. The man on the bed turned his attention to the bandages across his right shoulder. Peeling back a corner, he studied the wound below -- 3 deep gashes, swollen and red against the skin. "Still, from the look of these," he commented, "I couldn't have been out for more than a day." Deftly, he rebandaged the shoulder. "Which means that some miracle must have happened. Right, Sanzo?"

There was a whisper of movement as the man in the doorway slipped into the room and seated himself on the single chair. The door clicked shut behind him. Again, Hakkai did not turn to watch. He could sense the other's movement across the room, could map a trail of golden light, clear as if he had behld it with his own eyes.

"I take it that you don't understand what happened either," Sanzo spoke quietly.

"No," Hakkai replied. "Although I can guess -- I must have inadvertently mended your legs while attempting to heal the rest of your injuries."

"You know that to be impossible."

"I know that I haven't fixed bones with ki alone before. There is a difference."

"Nevertheless." There was an undercurrent of warning in that tone -- a trace of anger, impatience, and below that, masked almost into invisibility... uncertainty.

Hakkai knew without looking that Sanzo had moved, even as he instinctively reached up to grab the chopstick that the priest had flung at him without warning. This time he did turn, a flash of anger of his own fighting to the surface. "What--"

"Explain that, if you will," Sanzo replied. He gestured sharply, and Hakkai moved even before he saw the action; the second chopstick flew past him and hit the wall beyond.

"I'm not sure I understand--"

"You moved before I did. Twice. I don't believe it's coincidence."

"I have no idea," Hakkai murmured.

"Almost a day ago, Hakuryuu found us in the forest. How he brought us back I don't know, and frankly, I don't care. The other two are lost. Presumably they're somewhere in the village." Sanzo paused, as if collecting his thoughts... or finding the strength to concede to something he didn't want to believe. "I awoke several hours ago, with barely a hint of residue stiffness. The injuries were gone, even the ones from the previous attack." His lip curled in a sneer. "I would put it down to divine intervention, except for one thing."

Hakkai looked away. An ... indescribable _sense _of Sanzo continued to linger. "You can feel it too?" he asked. "A .... knowledge of where I am...?"

"More than that. Every movement you make. The general shape of your thoughts." Sanzo tapped his own shoulder sharply, and Hakkai felt a corresponding twinge.

"I suspect...." Hakkai murmured, and fell silent. He could, if he concentrated, sense the impatient curiosity radiating from the other man. He could even sense perplexity and the annoyance that engendered. He could not put it down to mere perception on his part any longer.

"Suspect what?" Sanzo snapped.

Hakkai carefully allowed his mind and face to go blank. "I suspect that we should look for Goku and Gojyo."

Sanzo was suddenly standing beside the bed, the chair falling to the floor behind him. His anger was almost palpable now. Hakkai winced as he felt an echo of pain shooting through both his legs -- this was evidently what Sanzo brushed off as 'residue stiffness'.

"Don't play games with me, asshole!" the priest growled.

"I'm not playing games," Hakkai shot back.

"Then tell me what you think!"

"You can't tell?" Hakkai asked, vaguely surprised."You can't gather it from my mind?"

Sanzo frowned. "I feel an echo of a stubborn lack of cooperation on your part. Nothing more." The frown deepened. "You overrate this... thing. I gather nothing more than your stronger feelings." He shot Hakkai a sour glare. "Besides, I don't relish having to root around in your head, and you had damn well keep out of mine."

Ah, Hakkai thought quietly, _the words of a person... of people... who have soething to hide._ "I believe that... during the healing, I might have overstretched myself." He paused. "It would explain how I managed to mend your bones. And... I might have transferred some of my ki to you in the process." He paused again, waiting for a response. "I could be entirely wrong, of course."

Sanzo's emotions flashed from annoyance to thoughtfulness, then promptly became inscrutable. Hakkai looked up warily, bracing himself for the storm.

It never came. Sanzo turned away, walking stiffly and slightly unsteadily towards the door. His words echoed back to Hakkai. "If the two idiots are not back by this evening, send the dragon to look for them. And... say nothing of this. To _anyone_."

Hakkai felt Sanzo's presence diminish as he wakled down the corridor to the next room. There was a thump of a door closing, and the ache in his legs eased up. Then... silence.

--

Evening came upon him suddenly. Hakkai blinked, to find the walls of the room turned pink and orange. There were rays of light from the evening sun across the floor, and voices in the corridor.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he sat up. He'd been having the strangest dream-- no, it was no dream. He could feel a presence in the next room, as certain an extension of himself as an arm or a leg. No thoughts or feelings came through, and for that he was grateful.

He returned his attention to the noise outside his room. There were footsteps now, clattering up and down across the wooden floor. Someone was giving orders, shouting for tea, food, water.

The door slammed open. A muddy figure half stumbled in. Hakkai raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Why, hello Gok--"

"Hakkai!" Goku yelled. "You're safe!" He grinned, carelessly tracking mud across the room as he leapt to the bedside. A basket of meat buns were already clasped in one hand.

"What happened?" they demanded of each other at the same time.

Goku paused in confusion for a split second before launching in a jumbled recollection of events. Hakkai gathered that he'd found Gojyo, fought off a team of youkai, and subsequently been found and taken in by some nice villagers who had fed them lots of meat buns, but not naerly enough, so as soon as Gojyo had gotten up, they'd asked for directions back to the inn, and the villagers had even given him a bento for the road, wasn't that nice of them, and he'd been meaning to save some for Sanzo only he was really really hungry and so he'd eaten it--

"And how is Gojyo?" Hakkai interrupted gently.

"Doctor's looking at him now. He was hurt pretty bad and he's asleep again but the doctor said he should pull through although he's going to need rest and stiches for a while... Oh, and the doctor said that _you're_ not to try healing him at any cost, 'cos you've already overtaxed yourself and need the rest twice as bad."

Hakkai watched the room walls darken from pink to a deep purple. "I see." Even within the doctor's admonishment, he doubted if hec ould have done anything. He was thoroughly exhausted.

"And what happened to you and Sanzo?" Goku asked.

"I had to fight off a number of youkai to reach. It was Zakuro, like we'd guessed, behind the attack... I didn't manage to kill him, but I doubt he'll be back for a while." Hakkai smiled, a small thin smile quite unlike his usual placcid one. "I do believe he's run out of minions."

"Is Sanzo ok? His door is locked so I think he's sleeping. And what happened to our rooms?"

"Sanzo's condition is much improved. I did a spot of healing on him. Perhaps you'll see him over dinner." Hakkai glanced at the dividing wall, then looked away sharply. "Our rooms were wrecked, or at least the one Sanzo and I were sharing was. Yours is fine."

"Awww, _man_! Does that mean I have to continue rooming with the kappa?"

It was what Hakkai dubbed a 'reflex-complaint', without any real thought behind it, so he chose to ignore it. "You should finish the manjuu before they get cold."

"Oh yeah! I'll see you over dinner... gonna get a bath before the kappa hogs it." He sprang to his feet.

"Goku-- wait, were you injured?"

"Nothing serious!" with a cheerful wave, the boy had disappeared out of the door. There was the sound of retreating footsteps. Then a pause. Then the sound of someone running hastily back, and Goku appeared momentarily by the door which he'd forgotten to close. He gave Hakkai a grin and shut the door behind him.

Hakkai returned a distracted smile, but his mind was miles away.

--

"You _shouldn't_ be out of bed," the physician said, shaking his head. "Still, it's too late."

Hakkai nodded politely at him, and took a seat around one of the dining tables. "How is everyone else?"

"The boy Goku had a minor concussion but even that can't keep him down." The physician made an annoyed gesture. "He's crazy! He must have youkai blood or something... despite getting knocked out and lying the rain for hours, he's none the worse for it. Not even a chill."

"Ah," Hakkai replied. "The toughness of youth. That is good to hear. How is Gojyo? I understand he's still resting."

"He was definitely in bad shape by the time I got to him. That gut wound is deep and nasty, and could very well get infected. Not to mention the fact that he's lost a lot of blood _and_ he spent several hours out in the cold too. I hope you lot aren't planning on running off on this journey of yours for a while. He's in no state to travel." A 'tsk' of frustration. "He'll be out for a while. I gave him a strong sedative before I stitched up the wound."

Hakkai nodded. "My thanks on behalf of both of them. Have you... incidently... looked in on Sanzo today?"

"His door has been locked all day. I sincerely hope that that midnight jaunt didn't worsen his condition any further--"

"--Your concern would be better directed towards someone else," a curt voice interrupted. Sanzo appeared at the top of the stairs and, grasping a rail for support, limped slowly down. The physician stared in amazement. "He shouldn't be able--"

"I performed some ki healing on him last night," Hakkai said, by way of explanation. "His condition is much improved."

"But... but that's--"

The man's words were choked back as a click sounded. Sanzo raised the Smith and Wesson, one finger on the safety. "Obviously, it succeeded. And if you have any sense, you'll attribute it another little known fact of ki healing and leave it at that."

The physician straightened, and nodded sharply. "Very well. I'm glad to see you up and about, Sanzo-san." He spun and left.

Hakkai leaned back, slowly and deliberately.

"Oh, is _that_ how you feel?" Sanzo snapped.

"The doctor has been of immense help. Or would you rather be dead?" Hakkai said sweetly. "That was no way to return the favor."

"He will be paid handsomely for his services," Sanzo replied coldly, returning the gun to his sleeve pocket.

"A verbal apology generally does more good than money," Hakkai pointed out. But he knew that Sanzo never apologized. It was one of those things in a long list of annoying and occasionally infuriating things about the man...

...Hakkai strangled back his anger and the impulse to throttle the priest. Sanzo was watching him carefully, unaware that he'd raised one hand protectively to neck level.

Both of them took a deep breath.

"Will you sit down? I've ordered dinner," Hakkai said. He watched without seeing as Sanzo crossed the floor to pull out a chair opposite him.

"Goku and Gojyo are back," Hakkai stated, by way of filling the silence. "Both are hurt, but should recover. Gojyo sustained a bad gut wound, from what I hear... so I'd opt to stay a few more days."

Sanzo's eyes narrowed in irritation, but Hakkai sensed that he would cede this by way of unspoken apology for his earlier behavior.

"Besides, it'll give us some time to.... sort out this... situation." Hakkai looked up calmly.

"There is nothing to sort out. We will simply have to live with it until we can find a way to reverse it."

"Of course. I've been thinking about that, but I confess that I don't know how it could have happened, let alone how it can be undone." Hakkai thanked the waiter who delivered tea and sake. Sanzo ordered beer. There was a momentary lull in the conversation.

"Perhaps after a day or so of rest I could experiment," Hakkai suggested. "Ki has, well, lines and connectors.... channels. Perhaps those are simply entangled and can be untangled. Or severed."

"Perhaps," Sanzo replied. He did not sound convinced. "In my experience, nothing is ever that simple."

"That's true," Hakkai replied amiably.

They paused again, staring at the bottom of their glasses. Food was served, but neither of them touched it. Hakkai emptied the sake bottle. Uncomfortable silence reigned. Sanzo brooded, clearly deep in thought.

"Sanzo," Hakkai said abruptly.

The priest started, caught by surprise. In that moment, Hakkai felt a flash of confused emotions from him, before mental walls seemed to descend and cut off the sending.

"What?"

Hakkai shook his head. "Nothing. And it shouldn't be discussed here, anyway."

Sanzo stared at him. When Hakkai replied with a bland, polite smile, the priest sighed and stood. "Let Goku finish this." He headed for the stairs, clearly deep in thought.

Hakkai watched the white clad figure ascend the stairs, overriding pain with sheer willpower. In his mind, he carefully sorted through what he'd last felt from Sanzo, examing and sifting through the various emotions. The smile on his face faded away.

--  
TBC


End file.
